Tondeleo: In the last post Doc gave some family history of his relatives in Scott County, VA, and the alcoholism that he says is in the blood. He talked about his first tastes of whiskey and how it affected him, and how he began to quit drinking. Here is more from that same interview. His friend Big Dave had dropped over by this time, so he added a few comments.
Doc: Ok, Tondy. Here is something what I learnt about alcohol what is important. First, it's got nothing to do with how much you drink whether you is an alcoholic or not. It's either in your blood or not. Like for me, the first drink of whiskey was like the heavens opening up. It was like I had tasted it before and had been lookin for that taste all my life, even though I was only 12 or 13. I took that drink of Jack Daniels and on the inside I thought, "YEAH! This is it! It's what I been lookin for!" It didn't taste like something new. No, it was like meeting a old friend. That is a danger sign, I learnt later.
Big Dave: It wasn't like that for me, was it Doc? I didn't like the taste, but I wanted to get drunk. And it didn't take too much to do it. I could get drunk on three beers back then. But you always held your liquor pretty well.
Doc. Right. I could hold my liquor better than any of you all. I drank maybe half of that fifth an really didn't feel anything but more alive. Ready to go. Ready to get in a fight or go steal something, but I did not feel tipsy or any of that. No, and that is a bad sign too. If you get drunk on two beers, you aint no alcoholic. You may be a problem drinker later on, but you aint no alcoholic. Big Dave would drink till he was stupid and it weren't that far of a trip for him. Maybe a sixpack.
A alcoholic gots it in the blood, like the tolerance is already there. They all said of me that I could hold my liquor and I could. I was the one they got to drive when every one else was passin' out and pukin. But not me. That is a bad sign too, Tondy.
Big Dave: Doc, you used to get drunk and wake up with cuts and bruises and have no idea what happened! You'd try to right some wrongs and end up getting thrown out or locked up for the night. That was regular for you, when we were in our 20's. Tell Tondelo about it.
Doc: Big Dave is right. That's another one what I had. That is blackouts. Like it don't mean faintin.' It means drinkin' a bit and then not knowing what you done while you was drinkin. I done that a fair bit. One time, I had a bottle of Scotch an the neighbor's boy, this was down Mount Olive, North Carolina, came over. I had taken a few drinks, and when he came over I asked him to take me for a ride. I remember that much.
The next day he called me an' said "Doc, I aint comin' over no more. You scared me. It was like it wasn't you, but someone else inside of you."
I didn't believe him. He said I had gotten my snub nose 357 [a powerful pistol with a 2" barrel - Tondeleo] and had stuck it in my waistband and had told him to take me around to the different bars in Goldsboro because I wanted to find someone who was picking on someone else or a man hitting a woman and I was gonna teach him a lesson. I didn't remember ANY of that, Tondy. Then he said for me to look at my bottle of Scotch. I did, and guess what - it was empty!
I didn't know anything about what he said, but I knew it was full at the beginning of the evening and now it was empty. That's called a blackout. If you are having blackouts you are a alcoholic. You need to find a reason strong enough to get you to quit drinking right now.
Big Dave: Tell 'em about AA. I took you to the one at Sacred Heart over in La Plata. You went there and to one in Indian Head for a while. You liked that at first.
Doc: I told Tondy about that before you got here. Like I said, I went to AA to get help, and it did help some, but it aint enough. Or aint enough for me. First, cause they said that you should come to AA on any night what you usually would drink. I never drank on any kind of schedule. Mostly when I played music, but if I showed up at AA instead of at my gig, I would have been homeless!
My second problem was that not everyone who drinks a lot is a alcoholic. Some is just problem drinkers. Big Dave would be in that group. It's not in their blood, it is just a bad habit or a social thing for them. And guess what happens? Now they is problem AA'ers! They used to drink every night and neglect their family and now they is at AA every night and neglecting their family!That ain't no good.
Big Dave: What got you to quit? I remember you told me at the time, but I didn't really care because I was thirteen stepping that girl [apparently an insider joke, because of the way Big Dave and Doc laughed and punched each other's shoulders - Tondeleo] - what was her name? - back then and I didn't care why you quit. It was just less competition for me! I was glad you dropped out!!!
Doc: It was having to introduce yourself as an alcoholic and telling yourself that every day. I did not need to hear that, especially coming out of my own mouth. "My name is Doc and I am an alcoholic." "Hi Doc."Just Doc with no last name. Aint nobody s'posed to use last names there. That is a good thing to say when you is still gettin' drunk and are lying to yourself about it. Like they say, If you have problems because of alcohol, you have an alcohol problem." That is true enough.
But I did not want to keep confessing that about myself, no sir. If I did, I woulda kept acting like that! So I began to confess "I am Doc Stevens. I got a last name. I live sober and right. I am a man and I take 'sponsibilty for my choices. I choose to live right and be a zample to every one I meet not just today but every day. And I need the Lord's help to do that."
That worked for me and still does.
Here is my last gripe with AA. They say to pray to the God of your understanding. Well, the God of MY understanding is what got me in trouble! My understanding aint no God. In jail they said that anything could be our God - a light bulb or even our locker! I would have to be double drunk and on the floor to believe that! No, it is not the God of my understanding, but God as I understand Him.
See, Tondy, I got my grandaddy's old AA books, and the new ones has changed it. They prayed to the real God, and so do I. He can help a man and bring him up from the gutter. But a light bulb or a locker cant do nothing for no one. I asked the Lord up above for help and He helped me. He saved my soul and saved my life.
But they did not want to hear the easy answer because it might offend someone if you say "I asked the Lord into my heart and he gave me a new heart and a new mind and a new life and reason for living. You might want to do it too." You can curse in them meetings and say the Lord's name in vain but you aint supposed to say it like He is the answer, because if you do, you ain't cool in their world. Only if you get up there and cuss as much as you can when telling what a bad guy you used to be.
Well, I am ashamed of what I used to be. I am ashamed of my days of darkness and all that I did so I didn't want to tell them all the dirt. I went to AA for a while and it did help some people. Just not for me.
Do I still get tempted? Well YEAH! But I aint tempted to going back into my darkness and hur
tin' my loved ones. I drink other things. Sometimes a bottle of hot sauce will do the trick. I like to drink Jamaican Pepper Sauce.
One thing I drink now, and this aint no lie, I drink mustard. I drink it right out of the bottle like I used to do with whiskey. I like hot mustard, not that yellow French's mustard. My mustard of choice right now is called Chipotle Mustard. Silver Spring Chipotle Mustard. Marilyn found it up there at the Safeway in Bryans Road. It comes in a squeeze bottle. I carry one of those with me and I squirt it into my mouth when I want that burn that I like so well. I might drink one of them little bottles in a evening if we are out playing music. And I pray to the Lord for strength and He helps me.
Put this on the blob, Tondy. It might help someone to beat whiskey so it don't wreck their life.
Tondeleo: You can download the A.A. "Big Book" on the Internet at www.aa.org/bigbookonline A.A. has helped members of Doc's family and members of my family and several of my mates to get help. Doc's opinion above is just his experience and is strictly his opinion.
