Tondeleo: Doc, you're calling me after midnight this had better be good. What's going over there?
Doc: OK. I got invited to play and sing at the Blue Grass Vestibule over at Leonardtown and...
Tondeleo: Vestibule? A Bluegrass VESTIBULE???
Doc: Yes - the Bluegrass Vestibule over there at Leonardtown. They brought in a 
bunch of singers and players from here in Maryland and some from Virginia, down in the mountains where my people come from in Scott County.
So I get my buddy Oliver to drive me an' Marilyn down there, an' I give him 50 bucks for gas. I bring my guitar an' battery powered amp and stomp box so I can play an' sing. If you gonna play outside, you gotta have a amp an' you gotta have a mike on your stompbox so they can hear it.
We pull in an' a geek what worked there told me where the stage was an' me an' Marilyn got my stuff outta Oliver's truck an made our way to the stage where them other boys was playin' an' singing. I figured we get up there an' join 'em cause that's what you do an' all take turns at the mike.
But guess what that polo shirt wearin egghead told me when I got near the stage? Now, I got Oliver to ride me two hours to play there cause they wanted real country roots music as they call it but all it is is just music. I'm carryin' my 'quipment an' this polo shirt wearin' sissy calls out , "Sir, you can't bring any ELECTRIFIED instruments up here! This is bluegrass!"
I din't pay no 'tention to him and kept walkin' towards the stage. I told him I know it's bluegrass but what them boys up there was playin' weren't no bluegrass it was jus' music an' I was gonna go up there an we're all gonna play together cause they ain't got no 'lectric guitar an' they ain't got no stompbox. Marilyn told him to open up his big baby blues cause they ain't got no harmonica players neither.
Well he started whinin' and callin' for security to haul me outta there. I tol him he didn't know nothin' and all those candy pants he had up there was probly mostly office boys an' geeks pretendin' they was "country." You ain't country if you're pasty white from working in a office an' your hands are soft like a woman's.
He started orderin me around callin' me "SIR" an' tellin me to leave before Security had me arrested. Arrested for tryin' to play music at a music vestibule. So I ast him what he would do if I hit him up side the head wi' my guitar an' I went over there an' lifted it up to swing it like a baseball bat. He took off runnin' for the security boy on a golfcart and he came over an tol' me I was gonna have to leave or he'd have me locked up.
He weren't big enough to lock me up an' I tol' him so. I said I'd pound his head til he looked like a bowl full of prunes an' then I'd get up there an' play as long as I felt like. Well. Marilyn commenced to cry and tol' me he warn't worth it. I was gonna knock him out of that little golf cart an' put a hole in one in his rear end.
After that, I din't even want to be there an' I told him I was goin' home an' he couldn't stop me if he wanted to. I picked up my guitar an' amp an' stompbox an' got back in Oliver's pickup truck an' Marilyn got in an' Oliver did a burn out throwin' dust an' grass and dirt all up in that sissy's eyes. When we left he was cryin' about getting' dirt in his precious contact lenses. I ain't goin back to no more of those vestibules an' if they calls me again, I'm gonna tell 'em [deleted by Tondeleo, as editor with a sense of propriety]. That's what I'm gonna tell 'em an' then ask the Lord to forgive me, but not them.
Tondeleo: Doc, you know I put this on the Internet so you better be careful about some of the things you say...
Doc: Ok, I ain't sayin' nothin' about the people what runs that vestibule or none of the people what got to play an' sing even tho they used mikes and amps an' my guitar weren't allowed to be plugged in or my stompbox. They is all good fine Americans an' love the Lord. .. and I forgive them. Goodbye Tondy.
Tondeleo: Goodnight, Doc.
