Doc Stevens

Tondeleo: I know next to nothing about cars. I like them, but of course, Americans seem to LOVE them. To me, a car is a luxury and a means of getting from point A to point B. In America, a car is an extension of the owner’s personality, a status symbol, a means of self expression and more.

Someone sent Doc a link to a Corvette/ 39 Dodge that had been joined together and made into a “rat rod.” To me it is horrid and disgusting. It was for sale on Ebay this past week and got a lot of attention and comments. He also had some strong feelings about it. He had Marilyn forward the email to me, and that prompted me to ring him up.

Doc: Tondy, did you see what that guy done? He cut off the front of a perfectly good 39 Dodge pick up and stuck it on the front of a Corvette! Why would a man waste a pick up truck like that?

Do you think that Dodge front end is happy with a Corvette stuck on his hindparts? No!

Tondeleo: I DID see it, Doc, and it is a monstrosity… I don’t know why he did it.

Doc: Well it’s some guy down to Alabama and them guys is southern boys what generally know how to build hot rods. This ain’t really a rat rod, neither.

Tondeleo: I must confess, Doc, that I don’t fully understand what a rat rod is; I’m clueless about all that, aren’t I?

Doc: OK, a rat rod is a hot rod what you made outta what you have sittin’ around the garage or out in the field. It ain’t meant to be crazy. It is just the way a poor man has to build a car cause he ain’t got enough money to do it like a rich man. He uses what he’s got sittin’ around. This ain’t that.

OK, he mighta had a Dodge pickup out in the field. He coulda fixed that up and made a hot rod out of it. He mighta had a wrecked Corvette in his garage. But here is something you don’t do, Tondy. You don’t mix Mopars with Chevies and Fords. You can put a chevy motor in a ford or Mopar, but you don’t mix the bodies. It ain’t right.

Tondeleo: I hear what you’re saying, Doc, but I don’t understand why it’s ok to mismatch some things but not others. What is a Mopar?

Doc: A Mopar is a Chrysler product. Plymouth, Dodge, Chrysler. They’s Mopars. And you don’t mix ‘em with Fords or Chevies and you don’t mix Fords and Chevies with each other cause they are competition to each other. So,it just ain’t right. Dodge gets Mopar. Ford gets Ford and Chevy gets Chevy.

I can tell you more about this one why it ain’t right. The nose of the grill is higher than the bottom of the windshield  [windscreen] on the Corvette. It should line up, so you could put a hood [bonnet] on it. It has to line up.

Also, the stylin’ is too different. The Corvette flows and is smooth. The old Dodge is round and fat. They don’t go. Like a woman with a big old head like a pot roast, and then a pretty body and at the end, some big old feet like a man. You wouldn’t do that. She got to flow.

And the back end don’t haul nothin’. It’s a Chevy pickup tail gate screwed to the back. It just don’t go together, in my book. And he stuck deer’s antlers in it! What for? It aint really a rat rod, it’s somethin’ else what I don’t know a name for. Big Dave said it is like a scoop of ice cream on an out house. It just don’t go.

Tondeleo: What would you have done, Doc, if you had a wrecked Corvette and an old Dodge pick up truck like that? That bloke may have been like you, without much money and two vehicles that weren’t drivable. Maybe it IS a rat rod…

Doc: Well, ok, he mighta been broke. I know how that is. Maybe it was the best he coulda done. But I can tell he knew how to make things, and cut metal and put it together.

I wouldda taken that Corvette motor, trans and rear out of that Vette and put it in the Dodge pickup. I woulda used the front part of the frame of the Corvette, and welded it to the Dodge frame. I’d cut that off in front of the cab and join it up. You just gotta make some plates for hookin’ up the rear into it. Ain’t nothing too hard. And it woulda gone together. People do that kinda thing all the time. Then I coulda had a fast pick up truck what looks right and would handle like a Corvette.

The inside of that Vette weren’t no good, and he put road signs in it for an interior which looks worser than  plywood what he coulda painted black, if the inside of the Vette was that bad. This was worser than that.

Anyway, Tondy, that’s just what I woulda done. But I ain’t him. With cars, a man can do what he wants to do to express himself, and that is what this guy done. He might not like what I’m doin’ to my old panel truck, but that is why they make strawberry, chocolate and vanilla.

Tondeleo: Strawberry, chocolate and vanilla WHAT?

Doc: Ice cream.

 

Tondeleo: With the worldwide recession, there are many people worrying about if they are going to be having a good Christmas this year. Cor, I’m even wondering what I’m going to do. I don’t have enough money to get anything for my Mum and I have yet to pay my December rent on my flat. Work has been slow for me and my income has been down. Most of my mates are in the same situation.

I rang up Doc and asked him about their Thanksgiving and also to ask about their preparation for Christmas.

Doc: Well, Tondy, Thanksgivin’ went good. Marilyn had that boy what she likes come over, that Gavin. She was all swoony all day over him - but what I liked about it is that she is tryin’ to impress him at what a good wife she would be. She made all kinds of extra food to get that long legged rascal worked up into proposin’ one day!

She made her tuna loaf like always but she put some extra stuff in it what I don’t know but it was better n’ usual. She made up two cans of corn beef hash what she made into patties an’ then made a hole in the middle like a donut and put a egg in each one and fried it. That was good, but she ain’t made enough for him to get any!

Me an’ Big Dave ate ‘em up! We told her we was checkin’ to make sure they wasn’t poison, and next thing you know they was all gone! But we tol’ Gavin about it an’ he understood an’ said he woulda done the same thing if they was good as we said they was, which they was, so it was ok.

Thurman Goodlett and Amy came over and brought sodas from the Wal Mart’s and some chips and dip. I think that Amy coulda ate every bit of it by herself, I tell you! She ain’t but about five foot tall an’ maybe a hundred pounds or so, but she can eat like a horse! But she don’t eat hay, she eats people food! And she was eatin’ it off my table! She was tryin’ to eat it all in one sittin’!

But we all had a good time an’ ate all we wanted, and then took naps. Once we all woke up, we got out the guitars and played for a couple hours. Of course, Thurman danced. We was all thankful to the Lord for givin’ us good friends an’ families, and shoes on our feet an’ roofs over our heads an’ enough money at the last minute when we really need it. He been good to us all, Tondy.

Tondeleo: What about Christmas, Doc? Money’s scarce here and I know it is always tight for you and your friends… but with the recession how are you going to have Christmas this year?

Doc: How we gonna have Christmas? We’re gonna go to sleep on Christmas Eve and then wake up in the mornin’ and it’s gonna be Christmas! We can’t stop it just because we ain’t got money! They Lord ain’t had money and he STARTED Christmas! I mean he was a baby an’ didn’t know it was Christmas, but it was started on account of him. He was poor all his life.

Tondeleo: But what about the gifts? And, with all the cold weather and work slowing down, aren’t you concerned about making it through the Winter this year?

Doc: We ain't worried about the future or about money or none of that, Tondy. The preacher down at the church said God'll take care of a person if they work hard and live right and I try to do both, much as I can. Ain't no moss growin' on me.

I work hard and I work long and then I play music wherever we can for whatever we can or even out on the streets. Preacher said if we're doin' that an' payin' our ties, God'll take care of us. He said we got a Jehovah Gyro.

I ain't too sure what that is, but it is good and that preacher is the real deal. He ain't no corn artist like a lot of them is. He lives just like the people in the church an' he'll help most anybody what needs helpin’.

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Preacher said if we're doin' that an' payin' our ties, God'll take care of us. He said we got a Jehovah Gyro. I ain't too sure what that is, but it is good and that preacher is the real deal. He ain't no corn artist like a lot of ‘em is.

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Long as we work hard and treat people right an’ give to the poor the preacher said that Jehovah Gyro will take care of us like he has always taken care of folks what does the best they can an’ loves the Lord.

We’ll be all right for Christmas. We usually come up with somethin’ to get our loved ones an’ we all pitch in an eat together and plays music, but on Christmas we sing some Christmas songs - but not a lot of them cause most of them is hard to play – and we make up some of our own Christmas songs, too. And we are thankful to the Lord for comin’ to earth to help everyone in life and be able to go to heaven when they die. I want to go to heaven when I die and so does Marilyn and most of our friends.

We’ll be ok for Christmas, Tondy and we’ll be ok after Christmas and the rest of the year too. And so will you. It ain’t about money, it’s about getting’ with the folks you care about and bein’ as good as you can to them all year round and then Christmas goes good. You’re good people, Tondy so don’t worry. And you ain’t got to get me an’ Marilyn nothin’ for Christmas, neither. We ain’t ‘spectin’ nothin’ and you get something real nice for your mama what gave you birth. That is the best thing what matters. Take care of your Mama and don’t make the Lord mad.

Tondeleo: Americans celebrate Thanksgiving on Thursday which means that they get together with friends and family and eat too much. Americans eat too much most days as it is, but on Thanksgiving, eating too much is the primary purpose of getting together with their friends. It is a communal gluttony.

Traditionally, they consume vast amounts of turkey, ham, dressing, cranberry jelly, pumpkin pie and whatever else the friends bring to contribute to their sumptuous baccalaurean festivities.

I rang up Doc to ask him what were the plans for their Thanksgiving meal.

Doc: Well, we’re havin’ some friends over to eat and play music an’ then eat some more. Big Dave’s comin’ over with some of his friends, an’ Thurman Goodlett an’ his girlfriend Amy an’ that boy what Marilyn’s seein’ Gavin, he’s comin’ over an’ whoever else drops in. It’ll be a good time.

Tondeleo: So, Doc, are you having the traditional Thanksgiving meal of turkey with all the trimmings and all of that?

Doc: Well, we’re gonna do the best we can. I usually make my special which is two cans of Hormel chili mixed with two cans of Manwich.

[Editorial note: Hormel is a brand name that makes various tinned meat products. Their “chili” is a high fat, high sodium version of Chili Con Carne. Manwich is a product that is a catsup based sauce that is intended to be mixed with a pound of minced beef.]

We mix that up and put cheese sauce on it. I got a secret, Tondy. I use Campbell’s Cheddar cheese soup for my cheese sauce. The other part of the secret is this. You don’t add no water to it. Just heat up two cans of it right outta the can. I learnt that one from a gal I knew what worked at Earl’s Truck Stop over to Bel Alton, back in the 80’s.

Marilyn is makin’ up her tuna loaf what she serves on a bed of lettuce. It ain’t really a bed. It’s just lettuce spread out on a tray an’ she puts the tuna loaf on it. It looks fancy an’ you know how Marilyn likes fancy.

She goes all out cooking on Thanksgiving, Tondy. She puts cut up pickles in it and chopped up boiled eggs and onions and instead of mayonnaise, she puts in ranch dressing and a little mustard. Then she puts it in her bread pan and cooks it in the oven. Her mama taught her how to do that.

We’ll have that, an’ ice tea, tater chips an’ dip, an’ probally ice cream.

Big Dave’ll bring some deer meat. He’ll soak it in beer and black pepper and Old Bay overnight an’ then smoke it in his smoker for another day. He’s a good cook, Tondy, a real good cook.

Then I guess Thurman’ll bring some apple cider or somethin’ and Gavin’ll bring somethin’ too. He’s pretty good with catfish. He deep fries it an’ we put the cheese sauce on it. That boy can fish and he can cook. He’s all right in my book, an’ Marilyn’s half cuckoo over him.

Tondeleo: Doc, I don’t hear anything about vegetables. Are you only having meat? No veggies?

Doc: Veggies? Uhhh… veggies. Uh, yeah I guess we could get Marilyn to fry up some potatoes an’ carrots. Fried carrots is good. An’ probally some greens cooked up with pigs feet. That ain’t too bad.

We’ll eat it an’ probally all take a nap out on the porch or in our trucks if it’s colder. Sun comin’ in through the glass makes you feel good and sleepy.

After that, we’ll get out the guitars an’ probally sing an’ play music an’ Thurman’ll dance an’ then later we might look at some tv. I don’t know. But it’ll be good an’ we’ll be real thankful. The good Lord’s been mighty good to us this year. Mighty good. We got strength an’ health. We got a roof over our heads, ‘lectric, food on the table an’ friends an’ loved ones. It don’t get no better’n that, Tondy. We’re thankful to the good Lord up above.

Y’all ain’t even got no Thanksgivin’ over there to that England, Tondy, but we got it ‘cause we’re thankful.

Tondeleo: I didn’t know what a nerve I had touched when mentioning NASCAR racing to Doc and Big Dave. I had stuck my head into a southern hornet’s nest! Here is hopefully their last rant on the subject.

Doc: When I was a boy, we went to the Firecracker 400 in Daytona…

Big Dave: They call it the Coke Zero 400 now! What’s THAT about? Racers drinking diet colas! They used to drink beer.

Doc: Well, that was my daddy’s dream, and he saved his money up and took the whole family! We camped out and went to the race and stayed in the campground at night with a lot of other race fans. None of us had any money. We just liked racin’.

It was Fireball Roberts was in a Pontiac, and Ned Jarrett, Bobby Allison, Cale Yarbrough and Junior Johnson, an’…

Big Dave: Back then, they all had the kind of motor that came in their cars. Fords had For motors. Pontiacs had Pontiac motors, and they ran them as fast as they could.They really raced each other!

Now, they have restrictor plates on the motors, whatever kind they are, and they all have the same horsepower and no one can make his car any faster. That’s why they all clump up on the track! They can go full throttle the whole race now and all be the same. 

Doc: Yeah. Back then, they had more control. The mechanics could make the motors fast as they could, and the driver had to do more. So they had to be better back then.

Big Dave: Guess what the cars cost back about 1970? $20,000! My Dad told me that! And people was all complainin’ already that it was gettin' to be only for rich guys. $20,000!

Now it’s about 15 million for the car and about 12 million a year to be good! I read that in a magazine at CVS.

Doc: I ain’t never gonna see that kind of money in my life. That’s why I don’t go to NASCAR and I cain’t even afford tickets. We go to the dirt track down to Potomac Speedway on Friday nights down at Bud’s Creek, Tondy. It still got local boys in it and local cars. They spend money, but it ain’t crazy money. It’s money what a workin’ man can earn and can get some help from some sponsors. Like NASCAR used to be 50 years ago.

Big Dave: NASCAR! I remember when it was always for a long time the Winston Cup. Then they called it the Nextel cup! Then they changed it again to the Sprint Cup. If Starbucks pays ‘em enough, they’ll call it the Coffee Cup. I ain’t interested.

Doc: Me neither.

Tondeleo: I know absolutely nothing about racing or cars. But I know that NASCAR is a big deal with Americans. It used to be considered a southern activity for blue collar workers to enjoy and over the years it went more mainstream and lost a lot of its original fan base. Doc, Big Dave and their friends are part of the original fan base who are totally disenchanted with what NASCAR racing has become. That is all In know about it!

Doc: My daddy is from down North Carolina where NASCAR has been big since it got started. Down south, race cars really got started from boys runnin’ shine [moonshine whiskey], what fixed up they’s cars to outrun revenuers. They took out the back seats, lightened up the cars a little bit and put cutouts on the exhaust..

Big Dave: Cutouts are just a Y pipe welded into the exhaust system with a flap in it so you can bypass the mufflers, and get a little more power. It made the cars loud, but a little faster. Most places made it against the law to have cutouts on your car…

Doc: Anyway, that’s how the idea of fixin’ up your car to see how fast it would go came from down south. Then they set up race tracks to see how long you could drive that fast.How long could your car hold up?

They started finding out that some boys could fix they’s cars up better n’ other boys, so they made different classes and wouldn’t let a boy what modified his car race ‘gainst a boy who was just drivin’ his car the way it came.

My daddy said he was at races down to Charlotte [NC] at the first speedway, where if the winner had even changed one thing on his car, like the springs, or manifold, they would kick him out of the race, cause it wasn’t “stock;” it was modified.

They had roll bars, seat belts and helmets but that was about it. And the drivers ain’t wore no coveralls covered in advertisements. They wore whatever they wore, t-shirts, jeans, an’ a helmet! That was at Daytona! Everywhere!

Big Dave: All the cars back then had to be something that you could buy at the dealer, and then you might modify it, or make it a little lighter or a little safer, but it was still a car like anyone else could buy. You didn’t have to be rich back then to do it. About anyone with a car and some tools and some friends could get in there and be somebody.

Doc: It weren’t all big money back then. It was about local boys fixin’ up they cars and goin’ as fast as they could, an’ then the fastest of ‘em went to other tracks til they found out who was the fastest. They mighta got a local garage to help ‘em out or sponsor them, but it was local an’ pretty much honest.

After the race, all us local boys would try to make our cars as much as we could like the fastest ones. You could do that back then even if you ain’t had big money.

Big Dave: Once it got to be about the money, it all went downhill. The tickets cost too much for a workin’ man to go and take his family and friends. We used to all pile in the car and have a day at the races. I could pay cash for the tickets. I cain’t to that anymore.

Now, you got drivers that didn’t know anything about cars. All they knew how to do was drive in circles for a long time, and give a good interview. The mechanics did all the work. But it was still just drivers and mechanics for a long time. Not now. Drivers, mechanics, engineers, publicity agents, I heard they got make up artists! Race car drivers with make up artists for commercials! It’s all about the products, big millionaire companies and all their rules.

A driver isn’t even able to go out and act like himself now. He is a representer of the company who pays millions of dollars to make him a super star. He is like a dancin’ bear in a circus, if you ask me. It’s a cryin’ shame.

Doc: Yeah. Back in the day, you could watch a NASCAR race and could see cars what looked like your car and you could pretend that your car was somethin’ like the car on the track. If you had money, you could go to the dealer and order the parts you needed to make your car run like the car at the stock car track. You ain’t doin’ that no more! You could be a multi-brazilianaire and not be able to buy them parts at the Ford or Chevy dealer!

I ain’t talkin way back to my daddy’s day. I’m talkin’ in the 70’s the cars still looked like what they were. They were CARS. Real cars that was made up to race. Like GTO’s, Monte Carlo’s, Road Runners.

Lookit the Monte Carlo’s out there now!. It don’t look like no Monte Carlo I ever seen. It looks like a plastic piece of junk with stickers all over it. Ain’t no Chevy motor in it. So why should I care if it beats a plastic Ford what ain’t got a Ford motor in it? I DON"’T! 

It ain’t about the cars no more and ain’t been about them for probally twenty years.It’s about big money and makin’ the drivers into rock stars and takin’ away they freedom. I seen on TV that two of ‘em got fined for speakin’ they mind about NASCAR! And they ain’t even allowed to give they’s names!

Big Dave: It’s all gone corporate and they' took all the fun out of it years ago. More about buyin’ souvenirs and NASCAR toys an’ all that. It ain’t about racin’ the cars anymore. That’s just a back drop – to keep you distracted into thinkin’ you’re watchin’ real mechanics and real drivers in real cars out there really racin’ each other with all their might…

Doc: Which they AINT. So I ain’t interested in somethin’ what ain’t real.