Doc Stevens

Tondeleo: I was visiting Doc and Marilyn and noticed whilst walking around their garden two strange looking wooden boxes. I asked Marilyn what they were.

She said, "Tondy, those are our rabbit guns! How come you ain't know that? Me and Uncle Doc made those about five years ago. He had some that was so old they rotted, so we made those.

I asked her why they would want to catch rabbits, and that's when my education began. I am fascinated by he deer and geese and rabbits that run freely in the gardens of rural Americans, and could not imagine for any reason trapping any of them. Big Dave, who lives down the road from Doc and Marilyn shoots deer, squirrels and rabbits whilst sitting on his front porch. He shoots them in the morning and eats them that evening.

Why would Doc and Marilyn want to trap rabbits?

Marilyn: Well, Tondy, you's right that rabbits is cute, but it aint so cute when they's eatin' your veggies what you planted and worked hard to grow. Squirrels are just as bad or worser. We get 'coons in the garden an' they eat our veggies too. An' possums eat the dog's food an' get in our trash. Tondy. We ain't eat no 'coon. But rabbit is good, possum ain't bad eatin' and so's squirrel. We ain't eat possum much, cause Uncle Doc feels sorry for 'em 'cause so many of 'em gets hit on the road 'casue they is nearaly blind. He sets possum's loose down to the woods less we ain't got no meat in the freezer.

It don't cost nothin' to make a rabbit gun an' you can make 'em in about a hour or less. We ain't never looked at the clock. We just builds 'em.

Doc: Yeah, Tondy. You just make 'em outta scrap wood you got layin' around.These is made from one by 8's, but you can make 'em outta 1X10's or outta plywood, if you got outdoor plywood. I ain't had none, but I had one by 8's. These is 30 inches long. You nail 'em together so they look like a mail box. I used nails on these but sometimes use drywall screws. You just use what you got.

On the one end, you put hardware cloth. That's the wire screen what has holes about a half inch. It makes the rabbit feel safer goin' in, cause he can see the outside n the other end. Also, it's so the rabbit or other varmint can breathe but more important so you can see what you got. You ain't want to catch a rat an' think all you got is a scared rabbit in there! I'm scared of a rat! A rat don't weigh but two or three pounds, but it is all fight! i way 200 pounds, but I ain't fightin' no rat!

Up on top, you come in about 6 inches, and drill a one inch hole in the top. Then, about halfway between that hole an' the other end, you drill another hole. So if your box is 30 inches, and you come in 6 inches for the first hole, you make your next hole at 12 inches. That's half of whatever is left, like half of 24 inches, I think. This one ain't done right, now that I look at it.

Marilyn: Then you gots to cut a piece of wood for the trap door. It's a couple of inches taller than the trap and you gotta cut grooves in the side for it to slide down in or put pieces of molding inside to make a track for it.

An' you make a stick with a notch in it to go in the first hole. The notch catches in the hole, and that holds the door up, when you have a string on it, what goes to the stick on top of the trap an' over to the door.

When the rabbit hits the stick on the inside when he's goin' for the food, it knocks the stick loose, and POW! The door comes down an' the rabbit or other critter is trapped!

Doc: That stick on top oughta be long enough to go a little past the trigger stick an' a little past the trap door, so it works smoothlike. It ain't hard, Tondy. Ain't no math test. Mostly common sense.

Marilyn: An' when you set it out, make sure you rub wild onions on it, to get rid of your scent. You don't think you stink, but to a critter, you DO and they won't go in. Rub wild onions on it.

Doc: That's all they is to it, Tondy. I'm goin' inside to eat some pulled rabbit barbecue what Marilyn made, and play some guitar. We gotta play at a gospel cookout tomorrow an' I need to warm my fingers up.Marilyn's gotta build her strength to sing and play harp. Let's go in, Boy!

Tondeleo: I didn't feel like eating pulled rabbit barbecue, or any other kind of rabbit dish, so I told them I had already eaten at the Subway in Bryans Road. I actually HAD, but not today.

Tondeleo: Everyone knows that it is dangerous to provoke police officers, particularly in the USA where, not only are they all armed, but it is likely that the people they are dealing with, the American people, are also armed. So the police in the USA are particularly wary of dealing with people. They know they have to treat people like V.I. P's or they may get sued. At the same time, they know that they may end up having to shoot the person.

Doc and I were talking about this one evening, and here is some of the counsel he gave me about what to do if I got pulled over whilst driving in America.

Doc: They don't act like it, but cops are nervous when they pull you over. 'Cause you might be armed, or drunk and ready for a fight. They ain't know if you just robbed somebody and think that they's caught you, so you're ready for a shootout. That's why they's kinda nervous and edgy over here. Ain't like England where the people ain't got guns and half the cops aint got 'em neither.

I been pulled over lots. When you get pulled over, here's what you need to do, Tondy:

Stay in the car. If you get out of the car and walk toward him, he thinks you're bein' 'gressive an' it'll make him go for his gun and order you back in the car. One night I got pulled over for havin' a headlight out. So I got out of my truck, and went back there to talk with the cop. He got nervous and told me to get back in my truck. I was wantin' to be friendly, so I kept comin' toward him. He pulled his gun and told me to GET BACK IN THE CAR! I got back in, and tol' him he ain't had to be grouchy and he tol' me that if I had kept a comin' he woulda busted a cap in my head!

When you get pulled over, just sit there in the car, till he comes up to your window. Have your license ready and registration. If it's night time, turn on your inside lights so he can see you ain't got no one hidin' in the car. They always ask me if I been drinkin' or have any drugs or alcohol in the truck with me. The answer is "No SIR! Just me an' my guitar an' I am in recovery, SIR."

I usually ain't got nobody with me but Marilyn, of a guitar or Dale, Jr. or Stubby. Dale, Jr. is a big boy and most cops ain't gonna provoke him. They mostly like dogs anyway. ANd they ALL like Marilyn! Some of 'em like guitars. I sang for one on the side of the road one time, cause he asked if I knew any Hank Williams songs. Of course I do, so I sang him a couple and we talked and laughed and he told me to take it easy and slow down, or I'd be joinin' Hank Senior soon!

Don't never threaten the cop. Don't threaten to sue him, or tell him to take off his badge and fight you like a man or none of that foolishness. He'll bust a cap in your head for sure. Even if you ain't did nothin' wrong, don't argue with the cop. He will think you're provokin' him an' will write you up for everything he can.

Don't get funny or smart: He ain't in no laughin' mood.

Don't tell him you ain't did nothin' wrong. He thinks you DID or he wouldna pulled you over in the first place.

Don't tell him you're friends with a cop, or your neighbor is a cop. He ain't care who's a cop. You ain't one and that is all that matters.

Don't get mouthy or argue with him. He'll just lock you up for it. Even if you think he stopped you cause you're a Brit or if you are black, don't tell him that. Tell the judge later. You just ain't want that cop gettin mad at you an' writin' you up for more than he planned on.

Also, that cop mighta just covered a fatal accident by someone drivin' like you, and he might be tryin' to protect you from your own bad drivin'. They done that to me plenty of times, so I am used to it. I might be speedin' a little or tailgatin' someone an' they pull me over to keep me from killin' myself.

He mighta just busted someone and been in fight, and is full of adrenaline still and be ready to jump on you like flies on stink. Help him to calm down. Be all on the humble.

See, cops go from bein' bored stiff to bein' all excited in just a few seconds. He mighta been sittin' there half asleep when you sped by, an' his radar beeped an' woke him up. Now he's all hyped and he ain't know if you're a bad guy or just a speeder. Just a bleep from his radar gun or a few words over a radio gets his heart rate boosted up, and if he's full of coffee and sugar from donuts or somethin', he will definitely be on the edge by the time he pulls you over.

Think about it like this, 'specially when you're down here in Nanjemoy. We're out in the STICKS, Tondy. How would YOU like to be a cop pullin' over a carload of drunk rednecks at two in the mornin ' who don't want to be stopped, and knowing that your back up cop might be 15 minutes away - and asleep or hookin' up with his girlfriend?

That's what he's dealin' with out here, and that could get a man shot. It has before, an' it won't be the last time. You don't want to be stopped by a scared cop, for sure.

So stay in the car, let him see your hands, no fast moves, call him "Sir" and just get on with it. That's the safest thing here in the USA. You ain't wanna get shot while you're over here. Play it safe, an' be on the lookout for cops.

Tondeleo: In my last post, Doc and Big Dave were guzzling "skin fast drinks" (Slimfast) in an effort to get skinny fast. I spoke with Doc on my mobile last night, and he got me up to date on his and Marilyn's activities. I haven't been able to visit them in the States this Summer like I would like to, and have been staying in touch with my mobile, and recording our calls, and Marilyn emails pictures to me from time to time.

Doc: Well, Tondy, me an' Big Dave gave up on that skinfast. We drank about two cases a day of that stuff and it didn't make neither one of us skinny. I done lost maybe 5 pounds, but also I was workin' a lot and it's been hot so I might've just sweated off five pounds (that's less than half stone). Big Dave got tired of drinkin' it and he gave up, too. I think that Skinfast is more made for women.

Well, you know me an' Marilyn went over to Alabama for a week an' had a good time an' met some good people. Their cookin' is pretty good down there an' everywhere you go is Waffle Houses so we ate good. I like a good sit-down restaurant when we is travelin'.

Waffle House has good food pretty reasonable and they got enough different kinds of food that you ain't got to eat no where else. You can eat there mornin' noon and night and it is always pretty good. Matter o' fact, Tondy, you can go to a Waffle House after playin' somewhere an' they will still be open. Ain't nobody rushin' you outta there, neither. Marilyn likes 'em real good, too. They got a lot of her favorites there, an' if she brings some of her friends along, it's cheap enough where they can pay for they's own food an' I ain't got to ante up for it.

You name it, they got it all. Eggs, ham, steak, grits, bacon, hamburgers, fries, waffles, of course, an' pancakes an' ice cream. They got anything a man could want. I really ain't know why they got so many other restaurants out there, 'ceptin some people from up north ain't ascovered Waffle Houses yet. But down south, that is pretty much all you see the locals eatin' at.

We played in some places in Alabama and also outside and the people liked us real good. They was pretty good to us in the money department, but mostly they ain't much money in Alabama.

We went to Florida like I said, an' we got a real good response there. They ain't never heard no one what plays an' sings like me an' Marilyn, so they treated us real good an' got us in some indoor places an' clubs an' venues. We stayed down there a while but then got homesick, plus I had some jobs to do back home, fixin' cars so we had to come back up here to Maryland. One thing I don't like is that they ain't no Waffle Houses here what I know of. But I was glad to see my dogs again an' Marilyn was glad to see her boyfriend again. That long legged crawdaddy missed her!

That boy what she is seein' is six foot two an' is crazy 'bout her. He is all right. If he weren't he wouldn't be seein' her. She is picky about men an' has higher standards than God almost - well, maybe she DOES have higher standards than God, 'cause HE will forgive some things that Marilyn won't, I'll tell you what! She ain't too forgivin' when it comes to how a man can act when he is her beau.

Well, that's it, Tondy. We got some inside places to play at an' a couple parties an' two vestibules (festivals) in the next few weeks, so it should be good.

Tondeleo: Sorry for being delinquent in posting the past several weeks. I have been overwhelmed with work, and hadn't been to the States in a while. I got to be there for a few days last week.

After completing my assignments, I rang up Doc and Marilyn and made arrangements to visit them. When I got there, I noted Big Dave's pick up truck parked in the front garden, so I knew this would be a more prickly visit. I truly like Big Dave, but I am also a bit afraid of him, and find him intimidating.

When I went inside, Doc and Big Dave were standing in the front room listening to a cassette of Hank Williams and just marveling at his wondrous talent. Talent that escapes me totally. Meaning, that to me Hank Williams sounds pretty bad. But never say that to ANY rural American. Hank Williams, Sr is an icon. He died of drunkenness and drug problems on New Years Day, 1953, a day that will live on in infamy among rural Americans.

Doc and Big Dave invited me into the dining area to join them for some more "skinfastsessess." Of course, I had no idea what "skinfastsessess" are but acquiesced. Doc came out with a case of SLIMFAST, the diet drink.

'Here Tondy,' he said as he popped the top on a strawberry flavoured Slimfast. "You can only have one of these because they make you skinny. You're already too skinny. So just one."

"Me and Big Dave gots to drink these, cause we're gettin' to be bigger boys than we wanna be. Marilyn brung these home. She's cleanin' house for a lady what died, an' she had all these cases of Skinfast left over an' they gave 'em to Marilyn what gave' em to me."

"Skinfast is s'posed to make you skinny real fast, so Me an' Big Dave have been chuggin' 'em down for two days. I'll be skinnier 'n you by next weekend, if I don't run out."

Big Dave added that "skinfast" is better over ice cream. He poured two cans of it over his bowl of vanilla ice cream he had helped himself to.

I asked Doc why he was suddenly concerned about his weight, and he said he'd seen some pictures of him an' Marilyn teased him about becoming a pretty good sized boy, and he was used to thinking of himself as smaller.

He explained that he and Marilyn had been down in Alabama where they played some, and also in Florida. It was there that he realized that not everyone has a gut.

"Tondy, some of them boys down Florida is full grown, but still kind of smaller. I ain't been around people like that too much. Mostly what I'm around is either skinny or is a good sized boy, but not much that is like them. Then when we got back, Marilyn got all these Skinfastsessess give to us, so I'm takin' it as a sign.

I sipped on my Slimfast, to try to not lose too much weight while Doc and Big Dave chugged one after another.

"When we're out of these, I'm gonna run up there to Bryans Road Food Lion and buy some more, if me an' Big Dave ain't too skinny. We gonna call him Skinny Dave then. And, we gonna have to buy some smaller guitar straps."

"Yeah, I'm gonna drink until I'm about 175," Big Dave said in a flat voice.

"I ain't sayin when I'm gonna stop. It depends on how fast they work," said Doc.

That was the theme of my brief visit I recorded more of the evening and will post from it later.

Tondeleo: This is perhaps my favourite guitar of Doc's. It is one of his home made ones. As you know, he has been ashamed of his home made guitars, because of the poverty that makes a person be in the position to have to make their own instruments. Here is what he has to say about it.

Doc: This here is one of my other home made 'lectric guitars. I kept this one because it sounds good. I made this one right after making the other one, down North Carolina. I had a chance to make a few dollars playin' guitar down there, but they wanted electric guitar an' I aint had one. I knowed how to make a guitar, cause it ain't a lot to it, and I didn't have no money.

This one here come from a bunch of parts. Some of them Telecaster parts, which is my favourite guitar of electrics. I like how they sound and I like how they look. I always wanted one, and this was close as I got for a while.

It's made from a redwood box what dried fruit come in, from California. I found it in a bunch of things people was throwin' away over there in Mount Olive, North Carolina. I just found the box and liked it. I got the Telecaster parts off another boy who was hot roddin' his tele and gave me his old parts for a trade for polishing and waxing his pickup truck and shinin' his wheels and tires.

I got the neck from a boy had a guitar he weren't playin' and had already sold all the parts off of it but the neck. He let me have it for mowin' his grass which wasn't too bad. It was his mower and gas, so it just cost me about three hours for the neck. I have played it enough to wear the shiny off the neck, for sure.

It was as close to a Tele as I could get for a while. Later I got a real one and stopped using this one. I only used these home made guitars til I got some money for real ones. Also I glued a million dollar bill, not a real one to it, to make it worth a million dollars. That is just to be funny, Tondy.

But, like you know, some people have seen these and like them, and I have played them out in public again sometimes. I still don't take 'em out too much because they is home made and look like a poor man's guitar. I got a case given to me what is real nice and it helps me to take them out.

Now this one here has two bass strings, because I play by myself most of the time or with one other person. You need guitar and you need bass, so what else you gonna do?

I play the bass with my thumb and the guitar with my other fingers. It ain't that hard, but it gives it a full sound and a good rhythm. I ain't never seen no one else with one, but I like to play a guitar like this. It's gots the handle on it for carryin' cause I ain't had no case for it till a year ago when that dude down Atlanta what played music fell in love with these guitars and brought me this case for free, to haul 'em in.

This case holds two guitars and is just right for them. He even put my name on the case. I am prouder of the case than of the guitars, Tondy! That case is what gets me to take these guitars out in public. This case is not a poor man's case and that makes me proud and makes me take good care of it. It's got wheels on it, and good latches and handles. It makes the guitars look special, even though they is home made. So now I am not so ashamed of them any longer. That was a good man what give me that case, I guarantee it.