Tondeleo: Doc, every time I tell people, especially when I am home in England about your self defense techniques and improvised weapons, they beg for more info. We really don't fight a lot like you Yanks. We hit, we spit and we probably do more kicking, but for you Yanks, it seems to come naturally, or at least it is in your blood. You blokes just seem to like fighting...
Doc: Well, Tondy, some people might like fightin. I don't. I'm pretty fair at it but I don't like it. Not no more... All that fightin' is more on TV than it is in real life.
Tondeleo: But Doc, your eyes seem to light up when you talk about defending some weak person against a strong one, like that guitar player in Memphis where you pulled the two guys off of him and he gave you that seven string Ibanez guitar as a thank you. I KNOW you like telling that story...
Doc: That's where you're mixed up. I like that Inez guitar, but I ain't LIKE fightin, and then again, I don't like seein' some big guys pickin' on a little one. That boy down there in Memphis looked like a devil worshiper and I could tell he was on drugs but that aint no reason to beat him half to death. So I evened up the score with my belt buckle and my foot.
But I DON'T like fightin. The smartest thing to do is win the fight with yourself and try to avoid a fight and get out of there safe, if you can. Only a fool starts a fight with a innocent man. And he DON'T know what that innocent man may be carrying. But, for you Tondy, here is how to do the belt thing to defend yourself.
You want to wear a belt. Always. And a good sized one, leather. Not like that piece of whatever it is you wear around your waist. You ain't even WEARIN' a belt right now! It ain't about holdin' up your pants, it's about takin' care of yourself and your girl. Wear a thick leather belt. I got mine up at Dollar General for 5 bucks and it's a good one. Family Dollar's got 'em too.
You gotta wear the right shoes, too. Not those ones that you wear, those little fairy slip- ons what make you look like you got girl feet - better be careful, Tondy, some men likes women's feet and you're gonna find yourself in a fix - no, you gotta wear a boot or steel toed shoe what is heavy and with thick soles. MAN shoes.
Tondeleo: Show me how to hold the belt again - I can't seem to get it right - and let me take pictures this time.
Doc: You can't get it right! I can just see you down at Scott's or the Blue Dog an' someone come after you and you got to take off your belt and look at the pictures while your baggy pants falls down around your feet! Ok, here it is - aint nothin to it.
Take off your belt and hold the end without the buckle across your right palm, with about 6 or 7 inches hangin off the back of your hand like this.
Then, wrap it around your wrist, crossing back over the hangin over part on the back of your hand and bring it back across 
your palm again. Yeh, go ahead and take a picture of it .
Now what you got is that belt wrapped around your hand in a way that it won't fall out and a man can't yank it outta your hand and beat you with it while your pants fall down. The buckle adds weight to the end of it so when you bring it cross the side of his head he'll feel it the first time. You swing with all your might. 
Yeh, and you don't swing like you're choppin wood. You swing BACKHANDED from your left side, crossing yourself and bring it upside the RIGHT side of his head. That keeps from tearing your rotor cuffs, an you get more swing behind it. OK, go head and take a picture.
Now the other thing, Tondy, is you don't hit him one time an then stop to inspect the damage! No! He'll get up off'n the floor and give you a whoopin or cut you. You hit him once, and then hit him hard as you can again, and then get your hindparts outta there. That's the only reason I'm tellin' you this. 
You ought to just stay outta places where somebody's gonna want to fight you just cause they don't like your looks or because they figures they can take you. Stay outta fights, Tondy. People ain't like they was. They might shoot you cause they think you was sittin at their favorite place at a bar that they don't even own. I mostly stay home nowdays.
