End of the World in 2012? Part Two: Basic Survival

Monday, April 16, 2012 5:51 PM Posted by Tondeleo Lee Thomas
In my last post, I was attempting to get Doc and Marilyn and Big Dave to discuss the end of the world, the Mayan calendar and survival. You can read how far we didn‘t get in that attempt. This segment is from a few minutes later in that same conversation, such as it was. 

I was trying to explain to Doc, Marilyn and Big Dave how unsettling it will be, according to all the scare mongers, when the next disaster strikes. I didn’t get too far. 

Tondeleo: OK, Doc, I understand that you don’t want to buy the Mayan calendar. And, like I said, there really isn’t a Mayan calendar for you or anyone else to buy. It just was like a prediction or something… but the point is that there are a lot of people saying that people ought to be ready for a disaster or for a zombie invasion…

Doc: Aint no ZOMBIES gonna invade nobody, Tondy! Don’t get your panties in a bunch…

Marilyn: I ain’t scared of zombies, Tondy! I have anointing oil that I got at the church and I would pour it on them and rebuke them in the name of Jesus! A zombie ain’t nothin’ but a demon livin’ in a corpse. I’d cast that demon out of that zombie and command it go to back to hell and the zombie would just be a dead person again…

Doc: Yeah, one more thing for me to bury around here.

Tondeleo: Well, what about being’ PREPARED, Doc? I read you about the “37 Foods You Must Have in a Disaster.” What do you think about that?

Doc: Well, Tondy, it’s a scam pure an’ simple. There ain’t no secret foods. That guy ain’t got no special secrets. OK: you gotta have water. We got a well, so we’re ok. Then you need to have things you can store. But we live like that anyway. You been out here in the winter. When it snows, ain’t no snowplows comin’ down here. We can’t get to the store.

We have sweet potatoes, regular potatoes, carrots, turnips and such down in the root cellar. They keep as long as you need ‘em. Why it’s called a root cellar.

Then we got salt cured ham and deer jerky. We even got some catfish jerky that Big Dave makes. We’re good for meat. We do that every winter and been doin’ that since I was a boy.

Plus, we got guns and ammo and plenty of deer, rabbits, squirrels and possums. We got fresh meat year round – all we have to go is take a walk in the woods.

When we ain’t got no electricity, we play the acoustic guitars… and Marilyn don’t need no electric to play her harp.

We got blankets and a woodstove, and kerosene lamps. That ain’t no disaster Tondy! It’s how all us live out here! Poor people been livin’ like that since the world began!

And you city boys think it’s the end of the world if you cain’t get your Starbucks and the interweb! You better man up, Tondy!

Big Dave: Well, if it IS the end of the world, you’re not gonna make it anyway. You’ll be dead. The world ended, remember?

Marilyn: The Bible says all this stuff is gonna happen in the last days. Tondy, what you need is the Holy Ghost. Then you wouldn’t be scared all the time. Do you want me to cast that spirit of fear off of you? I can do it if you want…

Tondy: No thank you Marilyn. I’ll be all right. I have some freeze dried food and other supplies coming from Amazon. 

End of the World in May 2012? Part One–The Mayans

Saturday, April 14, 2012 11:51 AM Posted by Tondeleo Lee Thomas
Tondeleo: It’s been several weeks since I’ve been able to post. Work has been interfering with my life. Currently I am back in America for at least a fortnight, and I hope to be able to record some interesting interviews with Doc and Marilyn and their friends.

I printed out some of the emails I’ve received from Americans trying to profit from the general fear that is in the world. Many of them are transparently selling fear, and then selling products that should alleviate those fears.

With many people deciding that the world will come to an end in May of this year, because the Mayans said it would, the intensity of the emails and product sales for survival is in quite a flurry.
I figured this would be a good topic to talk with Doc and Marilyn about. It turned out to be pretty much what I expected, with them interjecting their thoughts and questions every few seconds, and derailing any train of thought before it even got going.

Here we go:

Tondeleo: Doc, now that I’ve read to you all these emails about the world coming to an end in May, which is only a few weeks away, what do you think?

Doc: Who said it was coming to an end next month, Tondy? What was those peoples’ names?

Tondeleo: The Mayans. They said so. They had it on their calendar that the end of the world was coming in May 2012.

Marilyn: Well WHO is the Mayans? I ain’t never heard of them…

Tondeleo: The Mayans were a group of people who lived in Central America…

Doc: Ohio?

Tondeleo: No, Central America is down south of Mexico…

Doc: South of Mexico… and they call it central America? Ohio and Indiana and Detroit is central America, Tondy.

Tondeleo: OK, well, the Mayans lived there a long time ago, like in 2500 B.C. They were brilliant and had a highly developed civilisation. They…Big Dave 3

Big Dave: I know who those people were. Buncha white trash. Learned about ‘em in eighth grade, Tondy.

Those S.O.B.’s would play football usin’ the head of someone they killed.Used it for a football!

They sacrificed virgins to their gods. That ain’t civilised. You’re s’posed to protect virgins, not kill ‘em.

Doc: You can’t kill virgins! They’re a dangered species! Other n’ Marilyn and some of the girls down at the church, I ain’t even SEEN a virgin in what… maybe ten years!

Marilyn: Tondy, those people killed VIRGINS??? That ain’t right!

Doc: Well, that’s it. I ain’t buyin’ it.

Tondeleo: You’re not buying WHAT, Doc?

Doc: Their calendar. I ain’t buyin’ their calendar. What’s it got, only five pages? January, February, March… uhh, April, then May. And that’s it? I ain’t buyin’ it. I got plans for the Summer. We got a lot of gigs this Summer.

Big Dave: Yeah, I don’t want their calendar either, Tondy.

Tondeleo: But, it isn’t like that… not at all…

Marilyn: Tondy, you ought to buy Doc’s calendar. He’s got the whole year on his, and there are a lot of gigs we’re playin’, and they’re all marked on his calendar…

Doc: I ain’t sellin’ my calendar, Marilyn. Then we’d miss all our gigs.

Big Dave: Yeah, forget the Mayans. The Mexicans killed ‘em all. They had it wrong, anyway, Tondy.

Tondeleo: You can’t know that, Big Dave.

Doc: Well, I can. The end of the world already came for them folks, and they wasn’t expectin’ it! And now they’re all dead and in hell. Hmph! …Playin’ football with a man’s head. Killin’ virgins… That’s a bunch of sinner mess, right there. Nothin’ but sinner mess.