Tondeleo: When we were talking a few minutes ago, you also told me to stay away from singles bars. It seems to me as a single man, that a singles bar would be the best place to meet women. But you disagreed.
Doc: "Of COURSE I disagreed! You ain't gonna find no girlfriend at a singles bar! Girls don't go to singles bars looking for boyfriends! They go there lookin' for lonely guys who will buy them drinks all evening! They aint there lookin' for husbands. An' they would see YOU comin' a mile off! You look scared, lonely and unsure of yourself, so you feel like you gotta spend a lot of money on a girl to keep her attention. She would milk you dry! An' you would still be alone at the end of the evenin'. Stay away from singles bars. Go to regular places where there's regular people who ain't desperate.
Tondeleo: Ok, I get the point, I think. Doc, so back to where you told me how to get a few girls to sit with you in a booth for the price of a few sodas[see previous post].What then? Like how do you get their phone numbers, or get them to go out with you afterwards?”
Doc: “Ain't that hard either, Tondy. You just listen a lot and say things that make them laugh. Girls like to laugh. But they don’t laugh like men laughs. We laugh at things that are funny, like passin' gas' or burpin'. Women laugh because they are FEELIN' something that the rest of 'em are feelin'. It's a group thing with them. I cain't explain it, cause I’m not a woman. Women like to laugh together cause they is all feelin' the same thing. Just remember that much.
Same as fishin'. I don’t eat what fish eat. But I know what they wanna eat, an’ I prepare myself to give it to em.”
“We’ll sit there an I might throw out a couple of things what maybe one of my sisters said, or my neice Marilyn. Marilyn talks a lot an' says things what I don't always unnerstand. So do my sisters. ‘em. I might say something like, “My sister said somethin’ that I don’t understand. Mebbe y’all gals know what she means. Is it really true that a girl thinks… and then I will say what she said that I didn't understand, but am interested in. That’s one thing you can do.”
Todeleo: “How about the number? How do I get her phone number? Her REAL phone number, Doc, because frequently a girl will give me a number, and then when I call it, it is the number of a business, or just a disconnected number. I need to be able to get her phone number.”
Doc: “Yeh, you need that. Well, you cain’t seem desperate an’ you cain’t seem like it really matters either way if you get it or not. So you might look at yer watch an’ say, “Whoa, it’s getting late, I gotta get outta here an get my beauty rest. Gotta say I had fun wi’ y’all gals. Hope you did. We had some good laughs, didn’t we?" That’s to remind ‘em how fun you are. That’s when you pull out a pencil and paper. A pen might make you look too slick.Leastwise for me it would. You Brits might be OK with a pen.
“Then you go, ‘I’d like to do this again. Any y’all got phone numbers?’ An’ you know they do. Then say, “Heck I don’t need ALL y’all’s numbers. How bout YOU, who helped me with the sodas? You’re a pretty good helper. I’ll give you MINE if you’ll give me yours!’
An' then write down your number real quick, and tear it off for her, an hand her the pencil an' the other half the paper. Most of the time you’ll get it. If you got a cell phone, when you get the paper back, you could tell her you're gonna try it out to make sure you can read her chicken scratch handwriting. If her cell phone rings, then you're good to go. If it don't, you can look at her funny an' say something like, "You musta really thought I was gonna CALL you! I ain't NEED to call you - I can just see you here the nex time," or something like that. But you gotta keep it in good fun.
If you check her number and it DOES ring, you can say, “I gotta WARN you, I might try it out in a couple of days.” Then you call her in a couple days. From there, if you cain’t do nothin’ I cain't help you.”
“It’s like fishin’, Tondy. You have to know what you’re fishin' for and where to find the fish and what
the fish are bitin’. Then, once you catch ‘em, you gotta know what to do with ‘em. That’s your business.”
Tondeleo: OK, right. So that’s how you might get a date from a club. I'm not too social. How about at a library or bookstore or museum? How could I get a date from someone I saw at a place like that?
Doc: “We had a liberry most every place I done lived. Ain’t had a bookstore or museum. A liberry ain’t too hard. It’s still like fishin’. 'Cept a girl at a liberry’s gonna be bitin' on something else from a girl at a dance. In a liberry, you got to have a reason to be there. You’re tryin’ to learn something. You are in a learnin’ mode.
“And you cain’t be in there to be learnin’ about deer huntin' or nothing what only pertains mostly to men. I know’d some gals what gone deer huntin', though. But not many. No, you’re in there to learn about something a woman might be interested in, but a man wouldn’t know so much about.
Except maybe you might be wanting to learn more about fixin’ cars, and that’s not too bad. Why? Because a girl might have a car, and it might need some work, an’ that’s a reason to give her your phone number. I done that once a while back.
I had been outside when she pulled up and when she turned her car off, it kept runnin' for a few seconds. That’s called dieselin’, by the way.I ain't say nothin' to her at the time, but I could tell she was pretty embarrased by it. She looked red in the face and when she got outta her car she was makin' a mad face at it.
“So that time, I went in and picked up a Chilton’s book. They tell you how to fix cars. I waited for her to go sit at a table and then I sat where she could see me, and I held the book up in front of me a bit like I was readin' a newspaper for a few minutes. I waited til I saw her lookin' at it. A few minutes later, I walked over with the book still in my hand, and said I heard her car runnin' on when she turned it off, and that by doin' that it could break her crankshaft, and then she’d have a ‘spensive repair.
“That got her attention. Then, I said I could fix it, probably for less than fifty bucks. If it didn’t fix it, it wouldn’t cost her nothin’. She asked if I was a mechanic, an I said “Actually, I’m a guy who fixes near about anything. I could fix electric stuff, could do carpentry work and even a little concrete work. But I would like to fix her car for her, unless her HUSBAND or BOYFRIEND would mind. And guess what? She said she didn’t have a husband or a boyfriend!
“I told her I could fix it on Saturday, an then gave her my number. And, in case something came up, I didn’t want her to sit around waiting for me, so I would need her number, just in case! She gave it to me, and on Saturday, I went over and fixed it.
"Use your head and your heart."
“Guess what else I did, Tondy? I took along some GOJO (hand cleaner), some rags and some clean clothes and shoes! After fixin’ her car, I cleaned up out behind her house and went behind a tree and changed my clothes! I knocked on her door to tell her I was done, and she kept sayin’ how clean and neat I looked!
She came out and listened to her car an’ then invited me in to eat with her. She figured I might get hungry out there workin' so hard. We ate, an afterwards sat on the porch talkin’ an’ I got a kiss before I left! Just on the cheek, but that wasn’t the last one I got from her, either! I called her two days later to ask how the car was and then went back midweek to “check on it,” and got another kiss! Girls and women like to be taken care of and like a man who can fix things. I got to be a regular handyman, I did!”
“But it don’t have to be a car book. A fix-it book can work, or anything else, that will give you a chance to approach her and ask her something. Use your head and your heart.”
