Tondeleo: I confess. I am a bit shy around girls and women. I have never been very outgoing, and have been rather studious. Also, I am small, around 8 stone currently (112 - 115 pounds in US weight) and I feel under confident. So, I decided to get whatever counsel I could from Doc. I suppose I went to him for information because he is confident, and has a lot of friends, and he is quite free with his advice, if he thinks the person asking is sincere, which I am! I need all the help I can get.Doc can tell you all you need to know about making friends, both male and female. He plays down some of the stories I've heard about him, and says it's just a bunch of hogwash. But there are still those people whose eyes light up when you mention his name, and can tell you a few tales about his younger days.
So on one of my visits to his bungalow, I was asking him how to meet women, and how to get one to go out on a date with me. I asked him how he did it, back in his day. One reason this is important to me is that when I am in the States, I feel like I just cannot compete with American blokes. They are bigger, stronger, more outgoing and they have more money and fast cars. I have little confidence and am quiet and studious. And I am always short of money.
So I asked Doc how he would get dates and make female freinds, especially with him being a poor man, and not very educated, in a culture that values money, power and education.
Doc: “Getting a woman to talk to you, getting a girl to want to go out with you. Is that what you mean?
“Taint nothing to it, Tondy. Catchin' a woman ain’t no harder than catching a fish. How do you catch a fish? Well, first you have to know a little bit about fish in general. Like where are you gonna find one. You ain't gonna find a fish on the side of the road and they sure as heck ain't gonna jump in your pan or on your plate.
“Some men are stupid. They think just because they’s hungry and likes fish that fish oughtta be jumpin' on their plate saying ‘do what you want with me.’ Well that ain't gonna happen. Same with a woman."
“Some men are stupid. They think just because they’s hungry and likes fish that fish oughtta be jumpin' on their plate saying ‘do what you want with me.’ Well that ain't gonna happen. Same with a woman. Just cause you want a woman friend and are feelin' all lean an hungry aint gonna get you a woman, Tondy. Any fisherman knows that.
“Where you find fish? In the water. You ain’t find ‘em on the side of the road. A man ain’t gonna find a woman if all he do is go to work an come home and watch TV. Nope. Ain’t gonna find a woman if all he do is hang out with his other friends which is men. No, a man gotta go where the fish is, or in your case, Tondy where the women is to be found.
"You aint gonna find one sittin' in your room lookin' at that innerweb, either. You might think you met one, but she might just be a HE, an' HE might just be a robber or stick up man. You ain't know what you're dealin' with on that web. They got that inner web over to the liberry at Bryans Road an' my friend Harold thought he met his future wife an' she turned out to be a 47 year old dude who was just on that web for kicks! You ain't wanna fish in that pond, no doubt!
“When I was young we din’t have much places to meet girls. Had farms, had a factory, had a liberry, had a general store, had dances sometimes, an' had church. That’s it. But you can find where the women are and then go there. But that ain’t all.
“You gotta take your tackle. You need 'quipment an you need bait. You don’t just take your line an hook an a fork an' tartar sauce an think you’re gonna have a fish dinner. You gotta know what kind of fish you’re after an' what it bites on. An you have to be slow an patient and keep real cool.
“Like when I wanted a social type gal, I would go to the dance an find me one that looked unattached an' wasn’t too busy wi’ her girlfriends. Then I’d find me a reason to make the approach. You can’t jes go up an say ‘Hi, I’m Tondy Thomas an' I'm a Brit, an I wanna go out wi’ you.’ No.
But bein' a Brit might help you. It makes you stand out. And it gives you a 'scuse for bein' little an' pale an' skinny. A lotta girls like the girly way you Brits talk. That could work. I ain't never been too good lookin' or rich, but I play music an' I usually got a hot rod or somethin' that makes me stand out. An' back when I was goin' out I weren't a drunk or a pervert. I ain't never talked dirty around women.
Here's somethin' that my ex brother in law taught me twenty years ago. You might take an empty cup that they was selling soda’s in, an as you walk by might catch the eye of the one you have your eye on an say, ‘I’m goin’ up to get me another soda. Any y’all want me to bring you back one?’ Then you have a second to catch her eye an’ look friendly but serious at the same time.
They might say ‘no,’ an they might not. Even if they say no, you can stick aroun’ for a minute and chum the water. [Note: “Chumming the water” means to throw out a little bait to get the fish to let down their guard, so later you can put some bait on a hook and the fish will be ready to bite it – Tondeleo)
“Now, when you're standin’ there with your empty soda cup, you have a reason to stay there an' a reason to leave. They can’t hurt you, an' it gives them a chance to see you ain't no pervert or weirdo. So you might say something that they ain’t used to hearing.
“See, a pretty girl always is hearing compliments from dude who wants to get a hold of her. Ain’t no shortage of men with bad lines. They’s all hook and no bait. Nope, don’t ever tell a girl she looks pretty or that she has pretty hair or nothin’ like that. It don’t take no brains to come up with that, and also, where you gonna go from there?
“You wanna say somethin’ she ain’t expectin’. Here’s somethin' you might try. Talk to the UGLIEST girl in the bunch first. That way they can see you're harmless an’ just a nice guy on his way to get another soda. I would say something funny, most of the time. That's 'cause I'm pretty funny, an' if you ain't got looks an' ain't made outta money you gotta find SOMETHING you got goin' for you. For me, I am a little funny, but I ain't no joker or clown. An' I always show respect.
"You might wanna get a girl laughin’. Not laughin’ like you’re a clown or a comedian, but laughin’ because you are nice and because she is relaxin’ aroun’ you. You might say somethin’ funny about the band what’s playin’ or make a remark about some other girl that is supposed to be so pretty, but you know the other girls don’t like her.
“Once you do that, an’ the prettier ones see you’re willin’ to talk to the ugly one, they figure out that you’re different and they can trust you. Then you can start workin' on talkin' to the one or two you is really interested in. Sometimes I have found that I like the ugler one better anyway. She got to try a little harder and ain't always so demandin' as the ones what think they is all that.
Tondeleo: “You said not to say things like she has pretty hair or how good looking she is. How do you start a conversation with a girl that you’re interested in? I’m shy, and a lot of guys are. I take it that you weren’t very shy…”
Doc: “Shy? No, I definitely ain’t shy! But weren't never smooth, neither. I ain't insecure. I am what I am an' I am comfortable with that. That's important.
If you know how to catch a fish and you can learn how to catch a woman's at
tention. When you’re talkin' to the uglier one, you also need to listen. Like with fish. You might be chummin' the waters, and minnows and blue gills may be coming up for the chum. An you might see a large mouth bass, over out of the way. He’s the one you really want. So, you CHUM the little ones, while paying ATTENTION to the one you want, and he starts to trust you, 'cause you’re different than the rest.”
Tondeleo: “So what kinds of things do you actually say?”
Doc: “Well, like I said, you might say somethin’ funny about the band, or the bouncer, or any other person who’s up front or seems important. Say it funny, though, not like you’re wishin' you was them but you’re not. Then, pending on how they react, you can start kind of teasing one of the girls in the group, but do it good natured. Like maybe you would tease your girl cousin. Just poke a little fun at her, and then back off. That’s part of chumming the waters.”
“From there, you might look down at your empty soda cup an say, ‘look at what y’all girls done. You made me forget to get my soda! While I’m getting mine, I’m gonna get some for y’all too.’ Then look at the one you really are wantin’ but haven’t been payin special attention to, an say, ‘An I need YOU to give me a hand so I don’t spill ‘em.’ An you just nod with your head the direction of the bar or soda fountain an start walkin.’ Nine times outta ten she’ll follow. An, as you’re leavin', Tondy, you holler for the other gals to try an’ get ya’ll a booth.
“So, you an' the pretty one get the sodas, an the two of you come back to the booth an you got you a whole booth full of girls. An’ the pretty one is now thinkin’ you’re a good provider an she doesn’t want the other girls to move in an’ snatch you up. That’s one way you might meet a girl or two.
"One more thing, Tondy. It ain't all about looks. You ain't really interested in a good looker who ain't about nothin.' Lotsa good lookin' girls is like chihuahua's on cocaine. They is picky, nervous and they yap yap yap all the time. It ain't worth puttin' up with all that yappin' an' complainin.' It's better to have 160 pounds of curves than 110 pounds of nerves. No doubt!"
