Tondeleo: At the end of September I was able to get Doc to talk for well more than an hour nonstop, and was fortunate enough to have good batteries in my recording stick. Bit by bit I'm transcribing it and putting his talks in an order that makes sense. He goes from subject to subject and then back to where he left off, which makes him difficult to follow. Here are some of his thoughts on raising his niece, Marilyn.
Doc: When my brother died an' I had to come up to Maryland to raise Marilyn, it was a hard time for both us. Her mama was gone to somewhere in Tennessee with that piece of garbage she took up with, and now her daddy was gone. She didn't barely know me an' I was lookin' a bit rough around the edges from living close to the edge for a rack of years.
Tondeleo: So how did she react, how did you cope, how'd you end up doing such a good job with her?
Doc: First it was socialist services I had to deal with. Had to prove I was 'sponsible enough to raise a girl. Had to shave, cut my hair - they ain't tol' me to do it, but Bruce down the road said it would help an it did. Had to prove I had what it takes. A clean shaved man looks like a sissy to me but looks more like a mama to them or somethin' so I done it.
Then, it was learnin' girls. Ain't never been one an' ain't understood too many. Marilyn was smart but carried a lot of drama with her. She would get mouthy an' tell me I warn't her daddy which I agreed to, but said I was the only thing keepin' her from bein' taken to a foster home, which no one wanted to happen, so she would settle down.
You gotta give a girl a lot of sit down time. Talk with her an' listen to her an' teach her how things really work. Ain't like TV. A man needs to show a girl how a decent man acts, too.
Like, a man ain't s'posed to be a drama queen. Has to get hold of his feelin' an' not be losin' his temper all the time. A man needs to work hard an' work steady so he ain't broke all the time. He needs to make her feel protected, too an' show her how a man acts who is decent.
Tondeleo: What about all the feminine stuff that a girl needs to know? As she became a teenager, and wanted to date... How did you handle that?
Doc: Well, I ain't no good on all that stuff what pertains to women and girls like once a month if you know what I mean. The ladies up the church helped with that a bit. She liked going to them church camps and stuff what they has for kids. Made that part easier. She prays a lot an' prayed for me to be a good stand-in dad for her. Church was a good thing. A man ought to take his youngin's to church.
I'm good at providin' and protectin' but I had to figure out a lot on bein' like a dad. But that's a whole lot of bein' a dad. Yeh, I did go over to the school a couple of times when boys put their hands on her an' one time a boy she turned down got actin' ugly an' I had to drive over there an' give him a man to man. But all that cut out once they knew she had a grown man who cared about what happened to her and would back her up.
See, Tondy, predator boys is lookin' for a girl what ain't got no daddy or who has a daddy what ain't there for her. I ain't like that. Once word got out, them kinds of boys went looking for easier pickin's.
Now dating. I done a LOT of teachin' her about boys. Specially teen age boys. They don't think, they just act. They will say anything to get a girl to put out, and she had just better resist especially if she liked the boy an' did not want me to hurt him bad. If I hurt him bad, he would be gone an' I would be in jail an then what would happen to her?
Tondeleo: Isn't that a lot of pressure to put on a teenage girl?
Doc: A lot of pressure??? No! Getting' knocked up at 14 would be a lot of pressure. Havin' a baby an' droppin' out of school would be a lot of pressure. Getting' clap or AIDS would be a lot of pressure. Ain't no abortin' round here. You play you pay. So, no it warn't no pressure really.
I think what ain't fair is the pressure some drunk 16 year old boy might put on a 14 year old girl whose old man ain't care enough about her to look out for her right. A real man would talk to a boy what seemed interested in in that girl and find out what he's about. You can't just let any lonely boy go out with your youngin. You sound like one of them socialist workers, Tondy.
Tondeleo: What would you have done if she had gotten pregnant as a teenager, Doc?
Doc: I don't rightly know. I can think about it in my imaginary mind. I think I would be mad first. Mad cause I was brokenhearted. Mad at me that I din't show her how a respectful man treats a girl so she was thinkin' he truly loved her when all he wanted was somethin' else.
Then I would be mad at the boy. He was just bein' a boy, but I tol' every one of them what wanted to take her out that I was doin' the best I could to raise her up for her husband one day an' I expected his help doin' it. If he didn't, I would count it as disrespectin' me and then me an' him would go round and round an' I din't think he'd want that.
I think then I might go out in the woods an' cry a bit an' ask the good Lord what to do.
But Marilyn ain't never put me in that position. She don't like no boys what drink or swear or talk dirty or does drugs. That makes it easier for me. She is a real lady. She is pretty an' that makes it hard for her sometimes, but she got a lot of big dreams an' ain't none of them include bein' stuck in a shack with a drunk ol' man an' a bunch of dirty kids an' bein' on welfare. She's a good learner an' knows how bad she wants a good life.
One other thing what helped is we done a lot of travelin' round an' she seen for herself what problems comes if you just do what's easy. An I tol' her bout all the mistakes I made an' her mama made an' she don't wanna live that way. She will make a good life for herself. Ain't no doubt in my mind.
