Tondeleo: I was going through some of my recordings of conversations with Doc Stevens, and ran across this one that I thought you would enjoy.
It’s common for rural rednecks to misuse words because first of all, many of them are illiterate or at best, are poor readers who cannot spell well at all. Second, these are the same ones who don’t seem to listen all that well, so when you are talking, they may mishear you and substitute a word that you used for a word that they know.
Below is a classic situation like that where Doc talks about a friend of his who was going to get divorced.
Doc: My buddy Ralph an’ his ole lady been fightin’ and she was ‘cusing him of cheatin.’ Now he ain’t ever cheated on her ‘cause he’s too ugly but she don’t think so, an’ also she thinks that just ‘cause he plays guitar that all the women want him. But Ralph ain’t like that. He ain’t had that many girlfriends afore he met Shirl, an’ he ain’t had any since then, mostly cause he’s ‘fraid of her goin’ all buck wild on him if he ever did get one.
Then, if Ralph happens to go to church with her, she’s tryin’ to get him to go to the altar at the end of the service to repent of cheatin’ on her, when he ain’t even done it! An’ he ain’t gonna lie to the good Lord, just to get Shirl to shut up.
Shirl’s done told all the women in the church that Ralph got a rovin’ eye, and that made things worse, really. One of them prophesied that he was gonna leave Shirl an’ the kids, so now Shirl thinks it’s a done deal, unless the Lord works a miracle.
Another problem what makes her like that is she picked up a lot of weight over the years so now she’s real o’beast. Ralph ain’t like o’beast women, he likes ‘em small, so Shirl’s real touchy ‘bout that.
Anyway, she been naggin’ Ralph so much he decided he wanted to get divorced. Shirl ain’t want no divorce so she was tellin’ him how the lawyers was gonna take everything he had, his tractor, his truck, his guns, his guitar, all of it. So Ralph got pretty scared. He don’t even have enough money for a lawyer.
She said it would take a year for them to get divorced anyway. So Ralph was scared, an’ didn’t want to wait year. He asked her if they was any other way, and she said, yeah, they could go see a marriage canceller.
She told him a canceller was cheaper and would only be about six months and wouldn’t take his truck and guns and guitar. But Ralph would have to pay outta pocket. He took a couple of his guns over to the pawn shop at White Plains, an’ got enough cash to see the canceller a couple times.
Anyway, Tondy, they went to see the canceller. Ralph told him how he ain’t really want to lose everything, an’ all he wanted was out.
The canceller acted like he wasn’t that interested in cancelling their marriage! Ralph said he told Ralph to quit makin’ hog noises whenever Shirl was goin’ for the last piece of pie, and to quit callin’ her Hoss an’ Tubby O’Lard, an’ names like that.
He told' Ralph that him and Shirl needed to come back once a week for six months. So Ralph asked if at the end of it the marriage would be cancelled, an’ the canceller said that he hoped at the end of six months, they’d be happily married!
Tondy, if that marriage cancellin’ aint a racket, I don’t know what is, do you? I told Ralph he might as well just quit seein’ the canceller an’ ignore all them mean things Shirl been sayin’ to him. Don’t ever waste your money on marriage cancellin’ cause it don’t work.
It’s common for rural rednecks to misuse words because first of all, many of them are illiterate or at best, are poor readers who cannot spell well at all. Second, these are the same ones who don’t seem to listen all that well, so when you are talking, they may mishear you and substitute a word that you used for a word that they know.
Below is a classic situation like that where Doc talks about a friend of his who was going to get divorced.
Doc: My buddy Ralph an’ his ole lady been fightin’ and she was ‘cusing him of cheatin.’ Now he ain’t ever cheated on her ‘cause he’s too ugly but she don’t think so, an’ also she thinks that just ‘cause he plays guitar that all the women want him. But Ralph ain’t like that. He ain’t had that many girlfriends afore he met Shirl, an’ he ain’t had any since then, mostly cause he’s ‘fraid of her goin’ all buck wild on him if he ever did get one.
Then, if Ralph happens to go to church with her, she’s tryin’ to get him to go to the altar at the end of the service to repent of cheatin’ on her, when he ain’t even done it! An’ he ain’t gonna lie to the good Lord, just to get Shirl to shut up.
Shirl’s done told all the women in the church that Ralph got a rovin’ eye, and that made things worse, really. One of them prophesied that he was gonna leave Shirl an’ the kids, so now Shirl thinks it’s a done deal, unless the Lord works a miracle.
Another problem what makes her like that is she picked up a lot of weight over the years so now she’s real o’beast. Ralph ain’t like o’beast women, he likes ‘em small, so Shirl’s real touchy ‘bout that.
Anyway, she been naggin’ Ralph so much he decided he wanted to get divorced. Shirl ain’t want no divorce so she was tellin’ him how the lawyers was gonna take everything he had, his tractor, his truck, his guns, his guitar, all of it. So Ralph got pretty scared. He don’t even have enough money for a lawyer.
She said it would take a year for them to get divorced anyway. So Ralph was scared, an’ didn’t want to wait year. He asked her if they was any other way, and she said, yeah, they could go see a marriage canceller.
She told him a canceller was cheaper and would only be about six months and wouldn’t take his truck and guns and guitar. But Ralph would have to pay outta pocket. He took a couple of his guns over to the pawn shop at White Plains, an’ got enough cash to see the canceller a couple times.
Anyway, Tondy, they went to see the canceller. Ralph told him how he ain’t really want to lose everything, an’ all he wanted was out.
The canceller acted like he wasn’t that interested in cancelling their marriage! Ralph said he told Ralph to quit makin’ hog noises whenever Shirl was goin’ for the last piece of pie, and to quit callin’ her Hoss an’ Tubby O’Lard, an’ names like that.
He told' Ralph that him and Shirl needed to come back once a week for six months. So Ralph asked if at the end of it the marriage would be cancelled, an’ the canceller said that he hoped at the end of six months, they’d be happily married!
Tondy, if that marriage cancellin’ aint a racket, I don’t know what is, do you? I told Ralph he might as well just quit seein’ the canceller an’ ignore all them mean things Shirl been sayin’ to him. Don’t ever waste your money on marriage cancellin’ cause it don’t work.
